Thursday

While proofreading yesterday’s blog I remembered how anxious I was about that cocoon.  Anxiety. This was also evident in Tuesday’s blog about learning to take one step at a time. I can remember being nervous all of my life. The number one worry – money, or lack of money. The anxiety has led me to react in many different ways but mostly wanting control so badly that I’ve been out of control.  Never enough money, never managing the small amount appropriately to increase it.  Just spending when I had it and then having panic when I was without.

Well, being a single mom now for almost a year has helped my anxiety tremendously.  The buck stops with me – yes pun intended – if there’s not enough then I’m the one who answers.  I was so anxious when starting this “separated” time from husband #2 but the Lord has walked with me every step of the way. I am still learning to be a better manager (by designating funds instead of one large pot).  And working more than 1 job, but the Lord has allowed the schedules to work out so I’m working on the weekends that my son is with his dad (that’s husband #1 for those of you keeping up).

Now, in faith I’m planning on flying to Africa to see if I have something to offer 48 children.  LIFE IS GOOD.  Anxiety is still around, mostly by that voice from the woman in my head who treats me badly, but the Lord is working on her too.

I’ve put a link to yet another song here.  This one is my son’s favorite at the moment, and I love that he loves it.  He has downloaded it onto his phone so he can play it for me through his stereo system LOUD and then he watches me dance, sing and holler out to the Lord just so the devil knows who is the head of my house and my finances.  Now, this link is 10 minutes long so it’s quite a committment.  If you don’t have that kind of time you can find it on youtube by a different band.

I love you ladies. Thanks for letting me think out loud to you everyday!! It really helps me.

“With Everything”

“So let hope arise, and let darkness tremble in Your holy light. Every eye will see Jesus our God, great and mighty to be praised. God of all days, glorious in all of Your ways.  Majesty and wonder and grace in the light of  Your name. With EVERYTHING we will shout for Your glory. With EVERYTHING we will shout forth your praise. Our hearts they cry, be glorified, be lifted high above all.  For You are King, with EVERYTHING we will shout forth Your praise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq_z_i9XQZc