Thursday

Well, May is over.  As we turn the page and begin a new season I think  I will  take a moment to reflect and confess.  Next month will mark 1 year of being separated from my husband. I have learned so much in class about the human mind, will and emotions and I have combined that with what I have learned at church about faith, love and forgiveness.

No one is 100% guilty and neither is anyone 100% in the clear.  Relationships are a 2-way street.  In my life I have been married twice both men were completely different and I evolved into a bad wife in front of both of them.  It’s all about trust.

  During this walk I’m learning that I can trust myself.  I’m learning how to walk alone, make decisions (some little, some big) but most of all to take responsibility for myself.  I am learning how to trust God for the first time as He is the one I talk to about everything and I hear His words or His voice in my head balancing out the fear and anxiety.  I will say it has been easier for me to focus on my issues instead of having to keep a leash on a man to prevent him from making mistakes that affect us all.

Absence of trust creates issues of control. Whew, that’s a mouthful.

Distrust causes control, control causes rebellion, rebellion causes divorce. Ouch. Seems so easy to type it in black and white without the reality of two people, their personalities and emotions involved. It is also easier to work on myself while I’m alone then when I was married. I admire those of you who have mastered (or are mastering) the art of laying down your life for your spouse and family and having a good marriage.  I was not able to do that, no matter how much I prayed.  I think there was too much “ME” in the way.  Once it went over the line it was over. I learned in class that when men (most men) are “done” they simply unplug and fade away emotionally until you leave.

Even if I was 100% responsible for the destruction of one or both marriages – God can, will and does have forgiveness for me.  Very few people on this planet intentionally cause pain and heartache on someone else, it is in the accidents of life that we inflict the most damage on one another.

Jesus said it best directly from the cross “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”

So, here’s a song ladies – – for those married, separated, divorced, re-married, widowed, single, or lonely (did I forget anyone).  This is a soprano’s anthem, we should memorize for all day everyday !

“All I Need Is You” by Adie Camp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1UFUGmVjH8