In the Details

My daddy and I used to dance like this when I was very young.  It is so wonderful to dance like this because you can’t get stepped on, he is in control and will not let you fall.  Now as a grown woman this is how I must dance with Jesus !    Every time I blog I get “challenged” in the very area that the topic hits.  So today I decided to call out and challenge my fear – Details are overwhelming me so I decided to stay after work and write this stuff down to show the devil that I may be stressed but I’m not too stressed out to dance !!!  Let’s dance.

Here we are in the beginning of October and the Mozambique trip is scheduled 56 days away !

How can it be this close? Our team is down to 5 and tickets are being purchased.  As of Tuesday the trip was scheduled for 15 week days (20 days total) and my boss was taking time to process and evaluate as to how much time I can take off.  I have 10 days vacation but to tack on an extra 5 is a stretch, and without pay is a big stretch !

Then, Wednesday morning I was notified that the “package deal” must include a departure date two days earlier – and the return date stays the same.  I need to know now because it will cost $300. to change the return date once the ticket is purchased.  Details…..it’s all in the details.

Imagine my boss’ surprise when I ask him to consider this.  Ladies, there is a good chance that I will be flying back from Maputo, Mozambique earlier than other team members and by myself.  This is a test of my faith. I have not once been afraid of going, until today.  It’s so funny, I have been afraid the money would not be raised.  We’ve done fundraisers, put in our own money, gotten money from our church and I’ve even been receiving money from individuals (and thank you, I have fearfully put it into a special account).  I’ve been worried about money the whole time. I’ve also tried to back out several times thinking that it’s crazy for me to go – what do I have to offer?

Then, last Sunday at a bake sale fundraiser I approached a couple to talk to them, it was because of the way he was looking at a photo of three boys at the Mozambique community center  beautiful boys with healthy happy smiles and this man was looking at them as if he loved them.  Turns out, the couple are American missionaries serving in Australia – but they have a deep desire and hope that the Lord will call them to Mozambique.  She asked to pray for me as my feet would tred the very country she longs for.  As she prayed she told me that the Lord had called me to go because there is love inside of me that certain children needed to feel, that I would see the gold inside their hearts and the Lord would use me to “help them see it and pull it out of them to raise them up”. 

This evoked a memory in me –  It was back in March, I was crying because the team leader had answered my email with “come to the next meeting and bring a paragraph as to why you want to go”

WHY? That brought tears because there’s no reason for me to go, I have nothing special to give, nothing that someone else can’t do better.  I prayed, the Lord reminded me of the stories in Kim Meeder’s books about the abused horses being loved on by abused children.  I felt Him say that I was just like one of those horses – and there was someone who needed to see me, touch me and we would heal together. I thought it was pretty self centered of me to feel that important but then Sunday, when Paige and Will prayed for me, that is exactly what she said.  A stranger saying the exact thing that lets you KNOW that God is FOR you, WITH you, and LOVES you.

Back to today, thinking of flying back alone is actually exciting the more I think about it – I do believe the Lord will keep me safe so what I need to do is make sure that I have a way to put all my thoughts down because, as a writer, I’m sure I will have MUCH to say upon my return.   The solitude will be great for releasing my thoughts onto the page. Those who know me are probably thinking that I will spend the flight back talking to new friends I will  meet – which is probably what the Lord is preparing me for.

So, I am at peace with going and I am at peace returing alone. I am also in peace that the Lord can hold my job for me for 17 working days and then give me the energy upon return to work hard to catch my work up and be ready for end of month !   The life lesson here is this….

There are details in preparing

There are details in going

There are details in serving

There are details in returning, then,

The most important details are when I decide how this trip has changed my life

and what I will do about it.